How Do You See Yourself as a Mother?
The baby is crying. Again. You lean over and see through your exhausted, fogged vision that it is 3:30 AM. Officially 47 minutes since you last woke up.
Somehow you muster the energy to get up and head to your baby’s room where you can see him wiggling and fussing, waiting to be picked up. So you do. Again. Pick him up and start the nightly ritual you just literally finished, of feeding and rocking.
When you hear your baby again, it is 6:45 am, and you are already awake, managing breakfast for your toddler. You are so tired you can barely see straight.
The day goes by and your thoughts are consumed with the needs of your children. Mess, spit up, toys, and left over lunch scatters the main floor of your home, and when you finally get your babies down for the night, you look around and feel… defeated.
I see you if you are exhausted
You are tired. In an all consuming phase of life where the needs of your children take up almost all of your mental and physical energy. You read articles about the importance of self care that leave you feeling like you are doing something wrong, because how in the world could you find time for that?
I am painting a picture of many women who I have had the privilege of supporting. As I write this, I remember when I too was in this phase of life. I felt inspired to write this to all of you, when this week, I was walking with my husband and he said to me – ” Carrie, you have always had this energy about you, it’s special and I don’t think I have told you this enough. I remember when our boys were up all night long for years, and I would hear you night after night open their door and say “oh my…. bubba… oh my. You have always been such a good mom”.
How I saw myself was not how my babies did
I dont know why but tears instantly hit my eyes. This happened years ago (my babies are 16 and 12!), but to have him awknowledge this all these years later hit home for me.
And it made me think about all of you. Because in these hard seasons of motherhood, I was not easy on myself. I was my own worst critic, and on the daily worried that I was messing my boys up. Breastfeeding was a disaster with my first, and I carried that like I was a failure for years. After all, I do this for a living and I of all people should be able to figure it out. This was the story in my head on repeat. It only stopped when I realized that I was doing missing out on the great parts of parenting by always keeping constant score of my so called, “mistakes”.
This season of parenting can be so hard
I wish I could go back and tell the version of myself as a young mom that I was doing great, and that I was exactly what my boys needed, even on the days I didnt feel that way.
I tell you this because as much as I want you to have a spa day, a sleep in, or some time for yourself; I also know that stuff is hard when you have little children.
What I want most for you was something I didn’t give myself. Grace. The ability to see myself as my babies saw me.
You are a great mom. I just know it. If I could make you believe it I would. You know your baby so well, and I am so proud of you! Think about how they light up when they see you. You are their person, and I promise you that you are doing fantastic. Regardless of how feeding is going, or if sleep feels like a train wreck, you got this, and your babies love you.
You also deserve support in your world. You weren’t meant to navigate the complexiities of parenthood solo. I am appreciative of you being a part of this community, and I am so glad you are here.
I want to sign this blog off as I typically write on my IG posts, and hopefully now that you read this, you know they aren’t just words on the page for me. It is so much more than that.
“I see you- you are exactly what your baby needs, even on days it doesn’t feel like it. I am sending you so much love and support.”
Here for you always! And I am rooting for you:)
Carrie
